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21 December 2010

The Discrete Relationship 11: WTF is Wrong?

I want a relationship, I do.

But, I want a relationship by MY standards. There is nothing wrong with that at all. However, when do our standards become the thing that limits us attaining a successful relationship with another guy.

Having said that let me ask you know how MTV, BET, VH1 plays reruns all fucking day (which is ultimately smart because we will watch that bullshit over and over again). Well, I had the opportunity to sit home and watch that bullshit all day today with no interruption. My choice of channel these days has been BRAVO. I don't know why my television has not changed channels in three days, other than the fact that remote doesn't work and I'm too lazy to take it to the cable store, but BRAVO is where it stayed. So, I sat and watched "Millionaire Matchmaker" literally all day back to back to back. It was really enlightening.

Of course you had all these different types of people, white, black, puerto rican, asian, gay, straight, older, younger--who all had the desire to find their potential 'SOUL MATES'. It's so overrated because we talk about love and relationships all the time to no avail. However, Patti, the matchmaker made some really good points throughout the broadcasts.

This is what I took from it:

1. FUCK YOUR LISTS!!! We will never find the PERFECT guy. He doesn't exist. I was looking at some other blogs of some of my twitter followers and some others and all we do is post pics of these muscular bound, nice physique men and we create a personality for them that fits our needs and then we go out into the world and try to find that. Now, I'm sure there are many physically fit, sensitive but masculine, cool ass dudes but what are the odds that any dude will perfectly fit your credentials.

2. MAKE NON-NEGOTIABLES! So, to continue from 1, instead of making a laundry list of your specifications, make a list of your must haves. What is MOST important to you and try to not make your list to be more than 5 non-negotiables. And, who wants to do laundry anyway. Keep it simple. For example, I will make my list here, right now, on the spot (no, this is not premeditated).
  1. My dude must be cultured and love music. (RE: I talk about politics, race relations, music, and diet all day with friends and family and in order for us to have conversations and for him to hold my attention he has to have a vast knowledge of these topics.)
  2. My dude must be open to the possibility of raising children with another guy and not feel to insecure about it. (RE: I don't know if I want kids, really, but I am an academic professional so obviously I love working with children and may want my own someday.)
  3. My dude must acknowledge some higher being. (RE: I consider myself to be very spiritual so I meditate, I pray, and I am consistent conversation with God and he must not be weirded out about my relationship with God.)
  4. My dude must be physically fit and dedicated to his health. (RE: I am aware of my health and physical fitness and although I have slacked terribly in the past couple of months I know that I can do better and to have a guy who is dedicated to that will help me motivate myself and vice versa.)
  5. My dude must be patient and willing to understand me holistically. (RE: I change. I am always changing but I believe the core of me stays the same. He needs to be able to understand whatever changes I may go through and accept them and I will for him.)
3. Don't build walls, break them down! Anytime I hear about people putting up walls I always think of how I deal with dating, sex, and relationships (as they are not the same). I consistently put walls up and I will give you the allusion that I am being fully open and honest when I'm not at all and to have mastered that skill really isn't a good thing because it always ends up failing because they don't know the real me.

4. Don't have sex on the first date! With the advent of porn we have access to look at all types of men whenever we want so we become bored with our partners because we are always thinking about if we're missing out on something better. If you try to not have sex for the first couple of weeks you will not become bored so easily and when you do have sex, it will be GREAT because you are so attracted to the person. Them simply calling you will make your dick jump.

5. Be truthful! If you have issues, baggage, pasts, etc. and you think it will inhibit you from dealing with certain things, explain that to dude. Let him know you've had some bad experiences so it may take a little while before you can fully open up. He can then make a decision if he wants to continue or not, but don't make that decision for him.

And, in the remembrance of leaving laundry lists to the laundry room and not to our love lives I'll stop here because that about sums it up. Remember, we're fellas dating other fellas, but we shouldn't be so MACHO as to not take these suggestions into consideration to find a long staying relationship.

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