17 September 2010
No, freak, not that type of swingers.
But, mood swingers. I got a text from one of the BFF today and he is going through a great deal right now, and the funny thing is, yesterday I had something to happen to me and its put me in a funk all day. I even left work because I just couldn't get myself together.
The one thing that I always think about when I'm really depressed, like today, where I can speak to someone on the phone and they make me laugh and I'm happy for five minutes, and then I reflect back on my situation and I'm sad again, and then I think about what could've prevented the problem, and then I get upset, and then I think about the fact that I at least have life, and then I feel a little better, and then I think about "what the fuck is the purpose of life and this bullshit" and then I get angry again...I begin to contemplate what to do to make the situation better.
We will never the answers to many of the questions we have about why we go through what we go through, we will never be able to comprehend what exactly we did to bring on our current experiences, whether it be positive or negative--the one thing we can do is move forward.
And, as MEN, we feel very insecure when we feel emotion. We feel ultra insecure when we get our breaking point and we just want to cry while fucking someone up. But, when that happens we have to take a break, cry if we need to, vent if we need to, write if we need to, or whatever it is we need to do in order to see what's the next step.
And, many of you are dealing with issues that stem from the type of life we live and that also becomes added stress to the regular bullshit other motherfuckas also deal with so for us, it hits us to the second power.
But, you have to remember, just like this experience, you will have better ones. And, I won't give out cliche ridden ideas here because sometimes we don't want to hear that shit, in fact, sometimes it pisses us off more. I know it sounds crazy, but listen, embrace this negative experience, because without the negative experience you won't know the next step to the positive experience.
So, I'm at home, thinking of the next step because of my negative experience, and trying to figure out how to make my next positive experience such a great one that I will not repeat what I did to allow the negative experience into my life.
Pray, meditate, alleviate, and disassociate just for a little while. "Me time" is important and don't feel bad because you're taking it. And, you don't have to do what I do, ditching work, because for some of us we can't just take a long break, but even in your car, pray and listen to yourself think and brainstorm ideas to get you into a better place, or even as you're walking from the train station or sitting at your computer at work when you have some quiet time.
Do what you feel will help you get over the hump. We're all swingers, it's just about where you land when you leap off of the swing.