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25 April 2010

The Discrete Relationship 1: Things That Make You Say WTF?

Photo Credit: Kaaren,

I'm kicking it with this new cat, right...

Three months in...I think this is what my grandma would call the courtship shit back in the day. I like him...a lot. Let's call him Blue.

So, Blue and I are on the phone last night talking about some major issues because, I guess, we need to put some shit out on the table so we can make some decisions about if we we're waisting each others time. Now, Blue and I live over 400 miles apart. Blue and I also are almost 6 years
apart, me being the old fart in the motherfucking twosome. However, Blue has way more experience with sex and relationships than I.

Blue tries to sneak into this "thought provoking, are we really compatible" conversation by asking when was the last time I had sex. Now, Blue knows that I told him about two months ago, after 'I caught feelings' as Floetry would say, to never tell me if he has sex with anyone else. I never said don't have sex with anyone else, I just said, don't tell me if you have sex with anyone else.

Obviously, I was shocked when this motherfucka asks me when was the last time I had sex because my thought was when I told him that is that we both wouldn't share if we're having sex with anyone else. Haha, jokes on me, because ultimately, I told Blue that but Blue never said he wanted the same. Well, I'm not going to say my answer to him, but I will say the last time was within the period of our meeting and kicking it. After spilling the stories of little discrete male I flipped the question.

His answer? "I'm not telling you..." Now, I'm driving down the road as we're having this conversation and I had to literally stop in the middle of the street, like, WTF?? Well, it was a stop light, but nonetheless, I know I needed a minute (and God gave it to me). So, I said why the fuck not? And, he replied, "...because you told me not to." Well, (sigh), I did.

And in any good case where opposing parties speak of things before they're sure I had to retract my statement (yes, only because I had spilled the secrets of my dick and he hadn't). I told him the only reason I told him that was because if he told me he was having sex and I was not having sex I would get jealous. That's the obvious. However, its not because of the idea of him being with another person sexually, it was because of the fact that if he told me he had sex and I hadn't had sex recently I would be jealous that he had and I had not.

Crazy? Maybe. The whole truth and nothing but the truth? Yes.

From that I began to think about male to male relationships when that relationship is not known to the general public. Let's flip it. If I was dating this chick, and of course if I went out with her all the time and people saw us out, they would automatically assume, correctly, that she was my chick. Now, if that chick was seen out with another guy by someone I know or was close to that chick would be on trial. My boys or my cousins, sisters, whoever saw her, would be dialing my number with the quickness.

However, since Blue and I are in a 'discrete relationship' and we are both, for the most part (his family knows), discrete males, we can do whatever the fuck what we want when we want and we don't even have to tell each other...

Is this healthy?

Now, I think that in America we take cheating waaaaaaayyyyyy to seriously. The motherfucker had sex with someone else--you have two options, discuss it, get over it and stay, or leave. We all have a choice. In our situation, however, and in saying this know that we are not in a "relationship," is our situation way to free? Are we setting ourselves up for failure?

I know many men (I think even including 50 cent, whole 'nother subject) who are in these types of relationships--that is, being with multiple people sexually while maintaining a monogamous relationship emotionally and mentally. Am I ok with this type of set up? Well, I am a man who has never been in love--I have been in heavy like, for a lack of a better term, but never in love. So, in my mind, I think that I can accomplish this goal as long as at the end of the day you're only sharing your life with me and you're being completely safe when being with someone else sexually and vice versa.

But can we have our cake and eat it too? Remembering, that sometimes cake can give you diarrhea...

I guess it depends on the two...

1 comment:

  1. Ultimately, you will have to give one up over the other. The sex you deem a need is only your way of fulfilling romantic desires in a partner. It's perfectly okay, when safe. But it would be smart to determine the real significance of this "discrete relationship," if sexual exploration is also on yout list of priorities. For what purposes do you hold on to it? Is it healthy, and consequently, is it satisfying?