23 October 2010
Am I a DICK for this?
There's this guy...LOL
YOU WHAT THAT MEANS WHEN UR HOMEY STARTS OFF LIKE THAT...
There's this guy who may have been everything I NEEDED in a guy, I won't tell you what I need because then I have to come to the realization that I know what I need and to admit that would be admitting I stupidly gave up on something that I should've taken advantage of when I had the chance.
So, I'll say,
There's this guy who may have been everything I needed in a guy, but at the time when we met I wasn't ready to meet THE ONE, or at the least, THE ONE WHO COULD'VE LASTED THE LONGEST. He was needy, but he was considerate and he was only NEEDY because he felt as if I needed him to be needy. And, thats ok, because he read me in that manner because I wasn't secure in dealing with one guy. In order to feel sexually viable I needed to be with different people sexually, although he was able to at least spark some mental fire when no one else could.
And, now, he's back and he's wanting me to 'visit' him and 'see' him. I am in a place where I can deal with being with THE ONE, but I also have ONE across seas (although I'm not sure the outcome of that situation) and I'm afraid that he's only coming back for the SEX and not to be with ME. And, I will be disappointed if we SEX and I don't get a call back the next day.
He's almost 40 so I don't think he'll play that game, but the game is inevitably played when all you know is the field you've been playing on for all these years. Even at that age and being 'retired' from the game, old habits die hard.
Should I see him or should I leave it be.
Fear of disappointment is one of the worst feelings in the world.