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01 May 2010

Labels: The Fuck Buddy

Photo Credit:, ntr23

The other day I was shooting the shit with a partner of mine and we were laughing at some of the experiences we've had in the past with other dudes. His latest "love 'em and leave 'em" seemed to have, within a week of meeting, wanted a label. Not the label of my boy, boyfriend, or man, but he wanted the label of "fuck buddy." Now, we've all had a fuck buddy--somebody who comes through, drop the draws, busts a nut and leave. No hanging out, no calls of full conversations and no sleeping over after the condoms are used and the sheets are wet.

Personally, fuck buddies have only worked if I only had a sexual attraction to the cat. There have been guys I've met and they have only peaked my interest sexually and for many, they couldn't really carry a conversation. If we tried it ended up being less talking and more watching tv, which is cool, but for the most part, I can do that on my own at the crib. So, I didn't mind having all the extras and to a point, it made the sex more interesting because it felt like I was fucking a stranger, which for many men is a mad turn on.

But the question becomes, when do you get too old to have fuck buddies? I have cousins who are in their forties that can detail the sexual explosion they get when they have a fuck buddy because its that no-strings attached sex. It's convenient, its sporadic, and its adventurous. But when does the time come for "settling down" and chilling with one cat? And, are we mature enough as males to have this type of relationship with another male?

See, in dealing with a chick it's easier to have a full standing relationship because you can take them to the family BBQ or to the movies without peering eyes. There isn't societal pressure that interplays into the dynamics of your relationship. Most of time it's encouraged--friends telling you that they're happy you found someone, your Mom asking you about future babies, and her constant wanting for something more. For the discrete male, most of the time he's even too paranoid to go have a drink with the guy he's fucking with for the simple fact of what he thinks others will think if him and his dude hang out in public.

I think fuck buddies are cool, if that's what you really want. Of course, being as safe as possible while indulging in the sexual pleasure that both provide for each other. But, what I don't think one should do is limit himself to just fuck buddies because one thing is for sure, your fuck buddy won't be there when you're older and looking for a companion of sorts.

Labels are unimportant--they are limiting themselves, in most cases. So, if you've found that fuck buddy who is also cool to talk to and hang out with, giving yourself the opportunity to actually get to know them, then see where it goes from there. And try it without any labels and let it ride--what will live, let live. And I think that my homey cut old boy off after referring to him as a fuck buddy because he was under the impression that something else will grow out of the fucking. Establish what you both want. And I hate that question everytime I get a message from a cat, "what you looking for?," but really, its a question that should be asked from jump so we don't get caught in the hype of fucking for feelings--or having sex with a guy to get him to like you for more.


  1. Personally, I'm disturbed that despite the realization that the dude was simply a fuck (and clearly not a very good one, since he got kicked to the curb), that he would even ask for a label so mediocre. Examples like that punk are what make it difficult for our culture to build relationships, anyways. I think having fuck buddies is an option; a the meantime of seeking what we really want. Dealing with fuck buddies is cool under the right circumstances and granted the dude is the damn deal. But it's like U said, aint no company like your own...fuck the lames.

  2. I think that the problem for my boy is that he didn't want the label of 'fuck buddy' because he felt he was beyond that. He didn't want another fuck buddy. He's looking for something more but I guess he doesn't want to come on to strong with the mofos he deals with and I understand that. I think he made a good choice, as you said, that he doesn't want to deal with that type of shit.